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When’s The Right Time To Meet Your ‘In Laws’ ?

When you start dating somebody, you begin to envision meeting their parents and family. But when do you think is the right time? Is it important?

Fundamentally, I think it depends on the relationship. At times, people are together but they haven’t spoken about the future. For you to meet your partners parents, I think you have to be able to see a future with them, or else what’s the point in the meeting? In my mind, being in a relationship automatically means, you see a future with them, but nowadays, the majority of this generation disagrees.

Occasionally, people introduce their partner to their parents very early on, within the first few weeks or months. I think that’s great, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t want my parent and family meeting different guys. Like they’re on a conveyor belt! Also, I imagine it puts extra strain on a relationship, if you’ve met everyone on both sides then, then let’s say if you feel like the relationship is going downhill and the end might be increasingly near, you feel kind of embarrassed. The shame that comes with that can scare you from ending things. Usually everyone always asks “How are you and John going?” and you think, I’m gonna have to tell everyone it didn’t work out and you’re going to be receiving the same “ohhh I’m sorry, what happened?” reaction.

A relationship under the microscope being watched by many can feel like you’re in a furnace, not being able to breathe, without someone having their input, one way or another. I’ve experienced people having their oar in something that doesn’t concern them, not because they want what’s best for you, they just want control and that is extremely unhealthy. If there’s an elder in your family who let’s say has ‘racial views’, nobody will ever be good enough unless they come from a certain ethnic background, or at very least have a certain complexion. I’ve seen people trying to make up situations, just to make me end a relationship. And that inexplicable input can turn any relationship, toxic.

Saying that, I do think you should meet each others parents fairly early on. It’s just respectful. Firstly, as it’s for your own safety and protection, so people know and are aware of who you’re dating. Secondly, partners sometimes don’t want you to meet their parents, leaving you asking yourself, why is that? It’s because they don’t see a future with you. Or they think their parents won’t like you which will burden your relationship. I understand some religions have more strict views when it comes to dating and some believe you shouldn’t even have a girlfriend. But I think it’s very important as those individuals will just use you, even if they tell you they see a future with you. With phrases like “this is just how it has to be”. Don’t believe a word of it. Actions speak louder than words, and if they’re holding back on introductions, what are those actions telling you?

Meeting your partners parents or ‘future in-laws’ can make such a difference to your frame of mind regarding the relationship. There’s nothing worse than feeling like your someone’s ‘secret’ and they can throw you away when they’re done with you. Absolutely no stability there because, no one knows about you. Especially, the important people in his life. I feel like when you meet the ‘future in-laws’, it makes the relationship official to the most important people. And you’re on the right path for marriage, if that’s what you want, of course.

When should you meet them? I think a year is too long. In my experience, I waited 2 and a half years to meet both parents, I met his mother a few months prior to that. And I felt in the whole relationship it was too long. I kept having to mention it as it was upsetting and very perplexing to me. So much so I was just over it. The realisation of it not going to happen hit me, and I hardly mentioned it afterwards. I wanted him to meet some of my family at the beginning of the relationship, so he did. But the same wasn’t reciprocated. And I did feel insecure, disposable and like a secret until that meeting happened. Over 2 years is way too long, that’s over 700 days of wondering “wow, have I just wasted these years of my life feeling like I don’t exist and like the relationship is on his terms”. Sometimes, you have to learn lessons to realise what is on and what isn’t. And I felt extremely taken advantage of. I wouldn’t wish that never-ending waiting game on anybody, it almost drives you insane.

When it feels right, you should meet each others parents. Why not? Why is it a scary thing if you truly love the person? It gives you peace of mind, and protects your heart more, knowing you aren’t just imagining the relationship you have. Before 6 months, I think you both should’ve met each others parents.

What do you think? When’s the right time? What would you tolerate? Whats’s respectful? Comment Below!

88 thoughts on “When’s The Right Time To Meet Your ‘In Laws’ ?

  1. Thanks for sharing this. This is so important. I met my husband’s family just before we became engaged. That’s when he also met my family. And then, both sets of parents got together on their own, for dinner, to get to know each other. It is ideal if both sides of the family get to know each other as well.
    Try, from the beginning of any relationship, to be completely honest. It is life’s best rule. After meeting my husband’s family, we had an official engagement party. Perhaps my views are ” old fashioned”, but honesty never goes out of style. My husband and I have been married for almost 45 years.
    Beautiful picture, Antonia ! 🤗

    Liked by 7 people

    1. I agree! I think it’s so important! When you marry someone you aren’t just marrying the person, you’re marrying into the family also.
      You’re so right! Honesty is the best policy.
      Aww thankyouu you’re too kind🙈.
      So glad you enjoyed this post! Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I think it depends on the person I guess. You’re right, no point going the conveyor belt route IMO. Lol. Really, I think it’s something you just realize in your own heart and we know how hard it is to control that some times. Great post. Take care!!

    Liked by 6 people

      1. My mother always used to say I’m not your friend, I’m your mother! And she wasn’t joking trust me.😂😂 Parents should be understanding though! So you can speak to them about all different types of things😊

        Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re right, there isn’t really a certain time frame. It should be when it feels right, but when you’re on two different pages, it can be hard to compromise.
      So glad you enjoyed this post!
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 3 people

  3. I totally get the secret person thing! I guess whenever it feels right for both. I know for me sooner is better than later for the exact reason’s you gave.
    Good Post! Have a Great Day!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I agree! There’s no point finding out years down the line that your future in laws can’t stand you😂.
      Glad you enjoyed this post!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post. I wouldn’t want to meet my boyfriend parent until he wanted me too. To me that’s saying he think you may be the one. But at the time you may have your own thoughts and opinion. You might not want to. So always be open and honest. I meet my boyfriend’s mom 5 months into the relationship. She act like she loved me untill she got miserable then turned on me a year later. So its like you never know. But good luck!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. That makes complete sense! Oh really his mother switched on you? Sometimes mum’s get overly protective of their sons. No ones ever good enough! You’re right, you never do know their true feelings. It could all be a mask🤔🤷🏽‍♀️.
      So glad you enjoyed his post!
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your very welcome ❤!! But yeah she switched up on me. And it hurt. I dont know if she felt the need to protect her son or herself. We broke up and everything. Were back together now but still haven’t talked to her. Pray for me about that situation lol. Well have a blessed day

        Liked by 3 people

      2. You’re back together, that’s amazing! I imagine it did hurt and probably still does to a point. Sometimes a beautiful fulfilling relationship requires parent(s) to take a step back, if they don’t know what truly makes their child happy. As long as the two people in the relationship are honest and truly love each other, that’s all that matters. As they say, love conquers all!
        I wish you the best and hopefully in time, his mother will see what’s best for him!😂 YOU!
        Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊💕

        Liked by 2 people

  5. At the end of the day when the sun sets it will not matter what the in laws think only what you think when he looks in your eyes does he see heaven that is all that matters.

    Liked by 6 people

      1. Fathers care about their Daughters not the in laws. They want to know if that young man sees heaven in your eyes. If not say ,GoodBye”.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha, I met my beloved’s parents after about a month and somehow ended up decorating for them every evening after work., It”s quite handy in a way to watch both parents and see what they’re really like and see which one she most takes after. Luckily for me she took after her father one of the nicest people I ever met,
    When she died the bottom dropped out of my world. Now of course I wouldn’t have to meet any prospective in-laws, at my age they’ve all gone before me.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Wow such a thoroughly interesting story! They must’ve really liked you to have you decorating their home! I’m so sorry to hear she passed, I hope you’re coping well🙏
      Thankyouu for such a wonderful insight😊

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I met my future in-laws early on. I wanted to know what I was getting married into and my in-laws wanted to know about my family as well. Their are fraudsters out there, meeting and connecting only protects you and helps you get a better understanding of your spouses behaviors. AWESOME post as usual!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I completely hear you! You never know what you’re getting yourself into, unless you put yourself in the situation, and see the whole family structure and dynamic for yourself. Marriage is a huge commitment so you need to know what you’re committing yourself to early-on.
      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post!
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Like

  8. Thoughtful post, Antonia. It’s quite a tricky situation, actually.

    Too soon, and you wonder whether this person even can function independently of parents. Plus, it can be a bit awkward (super) early on.

    However, waiting too long is replete with its own warning signs. “Do I embarrass you?” “What’s this person hiding?” or even, “Apparently, we don’t have much of a future.”

    What a puzzle – nearly as challenging as the relationship itself. It’s astounding anyone ever made it work, and that our species didn’t fizzle out millennia ago!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I completely get where you’re coming from, and there isn’t a rule book for things like this! It should be when it feels right but that could take forever! I think it’s all about respect also and the sooner it’s done it shows the amount of respect you have for one another I think. Thankyouu so much for your insight! Glad you enjoyed this post!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ugh, meet them at the wedding 🤣🤣. Otherwise you’ll be getting the I’m sorry it didn’t work out and your family will end up meeting yet another boyfriend and his parents later. I’ve been through that 2 times and I said my Mom won’t meet anyone until I’m getting married or I’m engaged

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hahaha!! What happens if you meet them at the wedding and It doesn’t go to plan? That’d be so awkward, and would kind of take the shine of the day.
      I completely get what you mean! I don’t want the conveyor belt introductions either!😂
      At least you’ve warned your mum in advance!😂
      Thankyouu so much for your insight!😊

      Like

  10. Meeting in laws, there is no auspicious time or that one needs to adhere to timeline. One can meet your friends parents in a casual manner. Like one goes to another’s home. Once a serious relationship starts to evolve or one feels a kind off secured feeling, it would be better to discuss with own parents initially – a kind warning to brace for days ahead😊. Once the storm settles at home front, in my opinion it is best first to interact and exchange pleasantries with in laws telephonically for a while and derive a comfort zone for each other. It certainly helps to engage in a meaningful conversation when both meet in person.
    When one is borne, God has blessed us with one set of biological parents. And when we get married we are blessed to receive another set of parents. We do have differences with our own parents and it is but natural to form an opinion of this other set. But then it is a family and fun lies in bickering, cribbing and then eventually getting together. Only one thing is to be remembered- they are Parents-in-Laws and not Monster-in-Laws.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. What you’re saying makes so much sense. And such an interesting opinion. I haven’t really thought about building a relationship with your in-laws via telephone first then meeting them in real life. I guess it saves all the nerves you get, and the stress of them liking you or not. You’ll sort of know beforehand.
      Thankyouu for your insight! Words of wisdom😊

      Liked by 1 person

  11. If you dating someone is good but not necessary to meet with his/her family because once in laws get involved it will be like you married at once because they will interfere in the relationship and you might be angry considering the fact that you not family yet.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I get that. They will always have their input one way or another! I guess when you know the persons right maybe that’s the time to meet each others patents, because if not, i don’t see the point in dating someone you can’t really see a future with.
      Thankyouu so much for sharing your insight!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Well, I met my husband’s parents on our first official date, but then he was 19 and I was 20. We stayed in and watched a show. I remember that I dressed up a bit too, and he said to me, “You didn’t have to dress up.”😊 We we’re engaged 4 months later, and we were married in 7 months from the day we started dating. We just knew. We’ve been married 24 years now, so next year will be our silver wedding Anniversary. 😊

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Oh wow! That’s a true love story! Meeting them on your first official date is incredible! And you’d know for sure you’re not wasting each other’s time. That’s so lovely, I’m so happy everything worked out for you! Thankyouu for sharing your lovely story of true love!😊

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Hmm this is a tough one🤔 I’m not sure if you mean how long you should wait before engagement or how long the wait between engagement and the wedding should be, so I’ll answer both.
      I think scientifically they say men know very early on if that’s the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. So I’d probably say a year or so is a good time. If you’re young maybe a bit longer as you have to be responsible to be married. But I’d say for sure after the first year, marriage should be on the cards in the near future. Then once you’re engaged usually you wait a year or so until the actual wedding, unless you’re having a very small intimate wedding, then it can happen sooner.
      How about yourself? How long do you feel an engagement should be? That was such a good question, very thought provoking. I really wasn’t expecting it😂!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not I think there’s a set amount of time or any one thing that say’s it time to either get engaged or for the Wedding. As far engagement goes I think it’s when ever you feel that the person is someone you could love for the rest of your life. The wedding part to me all depends on how long it takes to plan what you want for a wedding. Small ceremony why not right away? Larger ceremony maybe longer on when facilities are available. The reason I ask is because with my first marriage I didn’t have the option. It was as soon as possible based on visual and social norms! grr could have been a very different life. But the right person and having the option as to when is very important to me. How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?😲

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I understand what you’re saying. I think after a year though the person should know if they’re gonna spend the rest of their life with you or not. You can’t be holding out forever until they make their decision!😂
        I completely agree about the wedding subject.
        I personally could never propose to a man. The furthest I’d go is hinting strongly about a ring on my finger. I get that it’s becoming more common for the woman to make the first move, but I find you’ll spend the rest of your life contemplating if and when he would’ve asked you to be his wife. And I think women still love the thought of the man getting down on one knee like the ‘fairytales’. Even though it sounds really old fashioned, I think a proposal should be left to him.😂 If he has his head screwed on right he’d ask me pronto anyway!😂
        Women do so much nowadays, should we do the proposing too? I don’t think so.
        How about yourself? How do you feel about a woman proposing to the man?

        Like

      3. I have another question for you. Hypothetically… If someone (man or woman) proposes.. and is turned down. Does that require the relationship comes to an end? Or, does it mean that the time just isn’t right to ask too soon? Or And continue with the relationship? I don’t know if that has ever happened but it’s something I’ve always wondered about. I look forward to your responses. 😲😁😂

        Liked by 2 people

      4. I think it’d be very hard to build your relationship up from being turned down. If you’re in love with the person and want to propose, it shows you see a future and want to spend the rest of your life with them. But if they turn you down they clearly don’t feel the same way. You’re on completely different pages, and really you should know if that person is the one for you fairly early on, if you don’t, you must have doubts about something. Getting down on one knee is quite a vulnerable position to be in, that’s why many are nervous and shaking doing it. And I think your partner turning you down would be so humiliating (especially for a guy as they usually have a lot of pride) that there’d be no forgetting what just happened. I’ve always heard that if you turn a proposal from a man down, he’ll look elsewhere. My mum always said that anyway.
        So I guess that’s been engraved in me (in a way).
        What do you think about this subject?😊

        Like

      5. I told my lover when he broached the subject “no” straight away. Were too old …I’m 80 and he’s 66. We live in our own houses 2 doors apart and sleep together most nights. So were committed.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Sure, I can see that. Like I said, I had always seen where it was over. Now I understand the reason’s behind it better. So one should be very sure of the answer before it’s proposed. If that’s possible.. 😂
    What are your views on a Woman proposing? Just curious…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Definitely, you should be sure before you open your heart.
      I think I replied back my views on a woman proposing just before you sent this, it should be in your notifications hopefully!😁😊

      Like

  14. I liked your post. It highlighted the potential issues well. I think it is different for every relationship, but waiting too long is a sign something is not right.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I guess people have complicated lives and there are many reasons for putting off these introductions – not all of them to do with you. Sometimes those who love you want to protect you from their difficult relationships with their parents. As a parent of an extended family involving eight, now adult, kids in two homes we’ve learned to keep an open mind, to be supportive, provide advice when its asked for, not to push the pace, but to generally let things happen in a natural way. By making first encounters short, informal, and preferably co-incidental, they are much easier to handle. What can I say, so far so good. I have some great “in-laws”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely get where you’re coming from. I think sometimes it’s a red flag if it doesn’t happen for years but not every situation is the same, and you’re right there may be certain reasons why it hasn’t happened. Thankyouu for sharing such an interesting insight!😊

      Like

  16. Interesting topic. So many variables – how far away do the parents live? How old are the people dating? (When I was in high school, every boy I dated had my father greet them at the door. 😉 I think having parents screen dates at that stage is a good thing, but you are obviously talking about adults here.)
    For a woman, I think it’s very helpful to see your significant other interacting with his mother. Does he treat her respectfully? That gives you an idea of his attitudes toward women in general, and a possible preview of how he will treat YOU when the newness of the relationship wears off. Once a young man I was dating made a sarcastic comment to his mom in front of me. Maybe he thought I’d be impressed. I wasn’t.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re completely right and I agree with many points you raised here. Your point about how a male treats his mother is so fascinating and accurate as one of my siblings boyfriends spoke to his mother on the phone in a very disrespectful way and my mother (who is my siblings mother too) overheard the conversation and assumed he couldn’t have been speaking to his mother like that. Then found out by the end of the conversation that it was his mother and her opinion of him changed abruptly.
      Thankyouu for sharing such an honest comment! Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 2 people

  17. What do you do when you have to introduce him to your grandchildren!!!? Now that was tough…lol. get it over and done with as soon as you’re sure hes the one…it will test his resilience….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha!😂😂 that’s a good one! I agree. There’s obviously a reason if you’re holding back on introductions. Especially for years.
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day😃

      Like

    1. You’re so right. Body language can tell so much, and as you say how they react tells you all you need to know.
      Thankyouu so much for your insight!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 2 people

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